Alex received the call while he was at work, but was withholding the information until he saw his little sister in person. He did, however, send her one text. “Pick U up at school.”
She met him in the parking lot. His grin was as big as the Cheshire Cat when she approached. She knew there was some sort of good news, but did not even begin to think it was about moving out.
“Why are you so happy?”
“I’ll give you one guess.”
“I don’t know.”
“Come on,” he begged.
“You got a promotion?”
Alex laughed, “I’ve only been here a few weeks.”
“What is it?”
“We’ve got the apartment!”
“Oh Alex! That’s great news!” She jumped into Alex’s arms and hugged him very tightly.
“It’s that place I wanted.”
“Of course it is.”
“Did you like it?”
Portia nodded and shrugged, “Sure, I liked it.”
“Let’s go get our keys.”
“Don’t we need a down payment of some kind?”
“I got that under control.”
“I want to help.”
“Then you can do some housework or baby sit for Penny.”
“I would do that for free – you know I like doing household chores.”
Good,” laughed Alex, “Because I don’t.”
They rode the short distance to the new apartment. It was part of a small brownstone, just like home. It had two floors and a basement. It was also next door to the corner bar. The landlord, who also owned the bar, showed them the apartment again.
“It needs a little work, but I’ll get around to that.”
“I’m really handy,” said Alex, “maybe I could patch some of the drywall and fix these window sashes if you take a little of the rent each month.”
“I tell you what. I’ll pay you cash for each little job and then you can use that to pay the rent if you want.”
“Fair enough,” said Alex.
“You ready to sign?”
They both nodded. The landlord walked them over to the bar where they signed the rental agreement. Afterwards, Alex bought a bucket of beer and took Portia down to the basement where tyey played a few games of pool.
“I’m already beginning to like this.”
“It’s your first place,” said Alex, “of course you like it.”
Portia and Alex returned to the house and began packing. Their mother stopped them on the way to the car.
“What are you doing?”
“We got a new place,” said Portia.
“You’re moving out? Why didn’t you tell us?”
“It’s not that big a deal.”
“Who’s going to do the chores around here?”
“Phoebe can do it,” said Portia.
Mrs. Gatteau scoffed.
“Then you can do it,” replied Alex.
Mrs. Gatteau glared at her children for a moment before returning to her attention to the television. She forcefully wielded the remote, flipping quickly through the channels.
“Come on,” said Alex.
They made several trips to and from the apartment. Mrs. Gatteau ignored them until they returned one last time.
“Where are you going to sleep?”
“We’re staying here tonight. Portia can’t move furniture. I’ll get some help from the guys at work.”
“Who’s going to watch Penny while you two are busy?”
“I’ll use a daycare center.”
“You can drop Penny off with me,” insisted mother.
“Or I guess we can leave Penny here…”
“Not one or the other. Like I’ve told you before, I don’t trust those places.”
Alex rolled his eyes.
“You hear about how evil they are on the news all the time.”
“Alright.”
Portia and Alex spent the night at home. The next morning, Portia went to class and Alex went to work, leaving Penny with mother.
“You can always count on me,” she said to Alex.
“I know, mom.”
“I’m family and family is all you can trust.”
Alex thought that was funny, seeing as his mother was the one always doubting him. She was the one always questioning his every move. She hardly lent a helping hand. He’d always depended on dad. She was always the one getting in the way.
Life was business as usual for Portia until she went to the new apartment, where they had no paper goods. Portia walked a block to the market. She bought Charmin, Kleenex, and Viva – then she looked at the shelf full of sanitary napkins. Her period was about five weeks overdue. She bought a pregnancy kit and returned home.
It was quite an operation while she opened the pack and read the instructions. She attempted sitting on the toilet while going to the restroom and making sure to hit the small plastic test strip.
“You gotta be kidding me.”
She stripped out of her clothes and stepped into the shower, where she administered the test. Within five minutes, she had the answer she was not looking for: +.
Portia was pregnant.
“There’s no way that’s right.”
She went to the market and bought a second test. It showed positive, too. Portia chucked it into the wastebasket and went to her room. She laid on top of a pile of clothes until her brother came home about an hour later.
“What’s wrong with you?”
“I’m pregnant.”
“What?”
“You heard me.”
“Does Marcus know yet?”
“I think it’s Darren’s.”
“What!?!?”
“You heard me,” replied Portia. This time, there was a plain-flat serenity to her voice.
Alex crouched next to his sister and hugged her. Trails of warm, wet tears rolled over her cheeks. Alex used the tail of his shirt to wipe them off.
“I’ve got tissues in the restroom.”
Alex tended to Portia, even fetching take-out from the Chinese place on campus. They sat in the empty living room, their backs to opposite walls, as they ate the stir-fry. Alex got up and opened the window. Outside sounds filled the silence inside the apartment.
“What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to keep it.”
“Are you going to tell Darren?”
“I don’t know.”
“He should know,” said Alex, “I’d want to know if it was me. It’s only fair.”
“I know.”
Portia thought about it for another week while they finished moving into their new place. It was ten weeks in and she was already beginning to show. She couldn’t fit into any of her jeans and was wearing sweatpants more often than not. After her Biology class, she went to the student cafeteria to study. She ran into Marcus.
“What’s with this outfit? You putting on weight?”
Portia glanced up from her book.
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Wait a second,” he said as she eased onto the bench beside her. He pressed his hand over her belly.
“Is this mine?”
She paused for a moment, then gently shook her head.
“No?”
“No,” she replied.
“Whose is it?”
Portia’s eyes grew big as she thought of what to say. Marcus’ eyes grew wide with anticipation until he put two and two together.
“Darren did this? So that’s NOT a rumor?”
“Marcus…”
“You have got to be kidding me!”
He pushed away from her and stood at the end of the table, his hands on his waist. He rolled his tongue along the inside of his bottom lip as he tried to sort out the thoughts racing through his mind.
“”When?”
Portia shrugged.
“More than once? You two did it more than once?”
“No, Marcus, no!”
“Yeah, I bet.”
Marcus grabbed his books from the table as he went away in a huff. Portia sat there, unable to cry or do anything else. All eyes were upon her. She grabbed her backpack and used it to shield her belly as she exited the cafeteria.
As she walked home alone, tears streamed down her face again. She dropped her schoolbooks off at the apartment and took the crosstown bus to the pet shop. Maybe that would help.
And it did, to a certain point. Bill could always use a helping hand, whether the store was busy or not – and he would never ask questions about personal things – certainly not about her personal life. In fact, he even tried to give her space when an unexpected visitor would drop by the store who knew Portia.
“Bill, you know I moved, right?”
“Nope.”
“I did, just a few weeks ago. I want to know how to transport my hummingbirds.”
“You have a big garden behind your parent’s house, right?”
Portia nodded.
“It might not be that easy now. Hummingbirds are creatures of habit – and you’ve created a perfect summer home for them.”
“Yeah, but I want to create a new summer home.”
“I suppose you’ll have to start from scratch.”
“And get new birds?”
“The only other thing you could do is trap them with an enclosed birdfeeder, but that could be dangerous for them.”
Portia was frustrated – not just by the hummingbirds, but everything in particular. It only got worse when she received a call from her brother.
“What’s up big brother?”
“Darren’s asking about you.”
“Why are you talking to him?”
“I stopped by the body shop today and he was there.”
Portia was dubious about her brother ‘running into Darren’. Just like their mother, Alex couldn’t help but meddle. Usually, it didn’t bother her. Today, however…
“It’s none of his business.”
“It’s completely his business, sis.”
“I don’t want you saying one word to him.”
“Okay, whatever you want. I’ll see you in a bit.”
Portia returned to her work around the house, straightening up Alex’s messes, washing everyone’s clothes, and organizing the canned foods. When a knock came upon the door, Portia rushed to answer it. It was Darren.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey.”
“Can I come in?”
Portia took a step back and bowed her head as she showed Darren inside. He sat on the living room couch. Portia sat on the loveseat across the room from him.
“I heard something,” he said.
“From who?”
“Marcus.”
“Already?”
“He came home and we got into a scuffle.”
“That’s stupid,” she said, “if there’s anyone he should be mad at, it’s me.”
“Yeah, but he can’t hit you.”
Portia sighed.
“You know, if you’re going to keep it, you can count on me.”
“I’ll manage.”
“I know you can handle it yourself, but I should be there, too.”
“Darren, I don’t want you there.”
“You don’t like me?”
Portia shook her head. “It’s not that…it’s your attitude. You smoke and drink and I don’t want to raise a baby in that kind of environment.”
“I can change.”
Portia shrugged. His breath smelled like a dirty beer-stained ashtray. It nearly disgusted her, but she didn’t tell Darren.
“It’s my baby, too.”
Before Darren could say another word, Alex entered the front door.
“Hey. What’s up?” he said, a little startled by Darren’s presence.
“Hey, Alex.”
“I’ve got dinner.”
Alex dumped three bags of fast food on the counter. Portia and Darren remained seated in the living room.
“There’s more than enough for all of us. I was planning on keeping the leftovers for lunch tomorrow, but it doesn’t matter. I can always go and get more.”
Alex took Penny to the bedroom and tucked her into the crib before returning. He fetched the food from the kitchen table and sat between Portia and Darren.
“Here,” he said, offering hamburgers to each of them. They all munched and ate without much conversation. Alex turned on the television and watched one of the boxing matches he’d recorded.
“Who is this?” asked Darren.
“It’s a classic – Liston vs. Patterson.”
“One or two?” asked Portia.
“Two.”
“Aw, man, this one’s great. You gotta watch the first round.”
Portia sat on the edge of her seat as she watched Sonny Liston knock Floyd Patterson to the canvas three times in the first two minutes.
“You like boxing?” Darren asked her.
“Aw, I love it. It’s great.”
Darren sat and watched television with Alex and Portia. He wasn’t sure what was more entertaining, though: watching the boxing or watching Portia and her brother root for Sonny Liston.
After the match was over, there were still a couple of hamburgers left for Alex’s lunch.
“I’m gonna get outta here,” said Darren.
“Let me walk you to your car.”
“Nah, I’m alright,” said Darren, “but you know the offer stands forever.”
“I know,” said Portia.
She kissed him sweetly on the cheek and then closed the door behind him.
“What was that all about?” asked Alex.
“He offered to help raise the baby.”
“Really? You should be happy about that.”
“Yeah, but he’s involved with too many shady things.”
Alex nodded.
“Still…”
“Yeah, I know.”
Alex went to bed while Portia picked up around the house. Afterwards, she went to her bedroom and switched on her reading lamp. It lit a soft circular pool of incandescent light in the corner of her room. it felt empty tonight, with all the free space in her room.
With all the emptiness, she should’ve found some sort of solace. Instead, she just felt plain empty. She began humming a song to which she could not place the name of the song. Finally, she looked up at her reading lamp and chuckled to herself.
It was “This little light of mine.”
She dog-eared the corner of her Biology book and tucked it into her backpack. She turned off her reading light as she went to bed. After a few moments of quiet sleeplessness, she turned on the clock radio and lay in the darkness, pondering over the day’s activities.The clock radio clicked off after an hour. Portia got up and plugged a night light into the outlet next to her bed. As she lay there, she started humming that song again.
"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. Let it shine! Let it shine! Let it shine!"
She chuckled to herself again and then thought about the things that pressed into her head. Even with the weight of things, she quickly fell asleep.
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